War is good

Recently, especially with the IMF protests last weekend, there’s been a lot of anti-war talk going on at GWU. In response, I’d like to offer a counter viewpoint that war isn’t all that bad. True, if we go to war with Iraq, there’ll probably be a lot of violence and destruction, but think of all the fun it will be. We’ll get to join the army and get placed in a barrack with all of our friends. Sure, we’ll have to wake up early and sleep on bunk beds, but crazy barrack hijinks are sure to ensue. Maybe we’ll sneak out at night to go to a strip club or have a wild affair with a hot M.P. (didn’t any of you anti-war activists see Stripes?) War is not about morals or freedoms, it is about good times and making friendships that will last a lifetime. Not only that, but they’ll give us guns, real guns with bullets that we can shoot. Does it get any better than that?

Then we’ll all go off to some foreign country where we’ll get to fight Saddam Hussein, a villain so cartoonified by the American media that he can’t possible have any weapons that aren’t manufactured by Acme, and then we’ll all come home to a rejuvenated American. Remember the prosperity that followed WWII? Well, we can have all that again. Two shining happy children and a brand new Buick in the garage and all we have to do is go to War. So before you start a letting writing campaign to your local congressman telling him/her that “war is bad for children and all living things,” remember how cool jet fighters and tanks are. And that the only people who die in wars are minor characters who usually belong to some minority group.